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by doobie


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About six years back I had a random acquaintance named Jack with an especially unfortunate handicap: his right hand was shriveled up and miniature, much like the arm of an infant with too much skin. Alhough he's had a sad and difficult life dealing with this disfigurement, Jack has a unique sense of humor that'll be very hard to forget. This is one of his more memorable jokes.

It was April 20th, thus I was having a house party in honor of our glorious holy mother Mary Jane. This party started out really laid back, far from being a massive rager that'd get the neighbors attention. That changed fast once my roommates brought in a couple kegs.

Before long, there were at least 200 people swarming in and out of my living room, cross-faded, bleary-eyed, all of them reeking of the pretty green plant, half of them drunk as hell. Needless to say, we were over it, and I wanted people out of my house. It was at this point that Jack busted out his brother's video camera and said, "Let's fuck with these people."

What proceeded was one of the cruelest things I've ever witnessed, and quite possibly the most hilarious. We went up to random people that didn't know Jack, and filmed his introduction.

It mostly went like this: "Hi, do you know me?" Most of them said no. "Well, my name's Jack. Nice to meet you." He'd extend his shriveled up hand just in time for them to grasp it instinctively and shake, then we'd capture their reaction in all it's sweetness. Mostly people went pale and awkwardly silent, but a couple people (keep in mind everyone was extremely high) made terrified faces, literally ran away, or screamed.

I can't help feeling sorry for Jack; I'm sure that somewhere deep down all those repulsions hurt. But shit, he laughed his ass off when he saw that video. Good times.