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by Mordren


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So a few years ago I went out for a few too many drinks with some friends. The bars were closing and I was pickled, so my friends and I hopped on a bus to take us back to campus. This happened to be the same week that Dave Chappell did the Rick James sketch on his show, so every drunken frat boy on the full bus was screaming "I'M RICK JAMES BITCH!" over and over and over. This was making a buddy of mine and myself furious, we managed to bite out tongues till we got to our stop.

So a few moments later we are walking thru a neighborhood near campus, we a group of frat boys behind us start screaming "I'M RICK JAMES BITCH!" repeatedly once again. This was the last straw. My buddy swings around and yells back "YOU'RE NOT RICK JAMES, YOU'RE JUST A BITCH", thru my years I've learned that calling a frat boy a bitch usually means that you've angered them to the point of hostilities, this night did not disappoint. They immediately start posturing and goading us to "throw down, bro".

Not one to leave the crowds unsatisfied I reach into my back pocket to find my Smith & Wesson S.W.A.T. Special Tactical Knife. I whip it open with a flourish, thrust it into the air and bellow "I'LL CUT YOUR THROATS RIGHT HERE IN THE STREET". It is at that point I black out. None of my friends remember the night, the only clue we might have was a single black eye on one of our members.